Zumba & 4th of July

I haven't posted pictures in a while!! I have a few to share...

First, let me say a BIG THANK YOU for all of the support for Hope From Hallie! The Zumba-thon was so much fun!! And you helped us raise $1500! Wow. Humbling.

We had a great turnout!

Cute pic of Farrah and sis-in-law, Melissa!

Looking back a couple more weeks... Forth of July

We spent the early afternoon at our pool. It was like Spring Break '98 out there... and we had the only kids. But we enjoyed it anyway! Having the pool next to us this summer has been so great, the girls are swimming like little fish now.

That afternoon, we went to a cookout/ good bye party for Kara, Jonathan and Dalton. They are moving back to Florida to be closer to family as Dalton grows. How CUTE is he?? His dimples are so adorable. 

We will miss seeing them, but I feel so blessed to have met Kara and sweet Dalton. Maybe we can visit them sometime!?! :) 

A little family photo

Silly Sisters

Those curls

They loved Dalton's baby toys

Kara even bought the girls some sparklers!

We finished off the fun day with Fireworks at Lenox. We were able to watch from a friend's office building. Thanks, Art and Katie! (I like the mom reflections in these pictures!)

It was a fun day!!

Hope From Hallie & Zumba-thon

The Hope From Hallie Zumba-thon is July 21st!! Click here to purchase tickets! (And childcare is provided if needed -- how awesome is that?!?)

https://zumba.ticketbud.com/hope-from-hallie

Hi friends!!

So I have a friend, April, who LOVES Zumba and who just has such a giving heart. She contacted me a few months ago and volunteered to throw a Zumba-thon to help us with Hope From Hallie. I wasn't sure what that was at first, to be honest! THEN - I started to Zumba. And, I love it. As I'm sure anyone else who does it will tell you - they love it too. I am the type that needs to have a class to go to in order to work out. And I love to dance! It doesn't mean you have to dance well, either. Just have a good time!

Anyhow -- April has been so amazing. She may not read our blog, so I will tell you - she is like many of us - a mom and juggles so much. Three small kids. THEN, 2 foster children. I only tell you this because I think it's amazing she would do this for me on top of everything else. This is only one example of the GENEROSITY that has blessed us beyond measure with Hallie. I can't thank you all enough. And I don't just mean money you've given us. I mean the words, the prayer, remembering anniversaries, etc. I never would have guessed how many people would be touched by Hallie and would love on us.

On that note, I have a couple of things I would love to accomplish with Hope From Hallie:

1) Awareness. Not just of Trisomy 13, but of any "not compatible with life" diagnosis that women may get. Raising awareness that carrying to term is a very feasible option. Although doctors can be wonderful, information is not always passed on or even recommended. Even just having a blog about it is great, having so many women share their story.

2) (Excuse me if I've said any of this before) I basically kept anything Hallie touched. And sadly, all of that fits in a box. But the box itself was given to me by another Trisomy mother who was 4 months ahead of me on her journey. She knew what I would need. She knew I needed a box to put keepsakes in. I was also given a similar box in the hospital - one that was donated by a mother who lost a baby a year prior. She donated boxes, stuffed bears, etc. so that women wouldn't leave the hospital empty handed.
I am working on something specifically for these boxes - or to be given along to mothers who may experience a loss (not just Trisomy, but any infant loss or stillbirth). You may have seen these before - it's a pendant for a necklace or bracelet with the child's fingerprint. Something like this:

So I would like to have kits at the hospital to capture this for mothers. For those who may not be prepared or even for those who are prepared like we were. Anything that a mom can have that has her child's name or mark on it is precious.

So now... I'm in the process of learning how to do this! And what you have already given us 6 months ago was very very generous. So this Zumba-thon is to raise a little more - but to me - it's even more about seeing you and giving you a hug for all you've done!! Thank you for letting me help others in a special way!

LOVE!!

Photo dump

Sweet picture in Historic Oakland Cemetery before we moved:


We camped a couple of weekends ago at Chris' aunt & uncle's property. Fun first time doing this!


Angel.


What can I say? I love matching outfits. I'm doing it while I can! These cute coverups are from GG!


And I got these for the beach this summer! OH MY GOSH cuteness overload. But I'm bias.


We love "Waffle's House"


My morning sunshines


My cute husband and I at a wedding this weekend. Love this man!


The wedding was out of town and I missed the girls, but uninterrupted time with my best friend is just wonderful! I'm a lucky girl.

Anniversaries

The summer has come and we are looking forward to enjoying it. Summer has always been my favorite season. Even the hot Georgia summers. Sleeping in, swimming, staying up late, lightening bugs, beach trips, summer tans, and now... tan baby legs and white little booties.  I'd move to the beach if my family and friends would move with me... :)

We have officially moved. That is going well. I was not as sad about leaving the house as I anticipated. We'll make memories where ever we go. We're making them now. But leaving the house feels like leaving a chapter. Something about the coming of summer and our moving.... it all feels like we are starting anew!

We did just pass over a few anniversaries that left me a bit reminiscent, sometimes sad, confused about all that's happened over the last year, and turned inward.

June 19th would have been Hallie's 6th month birthday. It's hard to believe that a year is half over since I met her. (And of course it feels like a lifetime ago at the same time.)

June 23rd was the day our life changed at that appointment.

And June 24th marks 6 months since she's been gone.

Things I am working on/feeling now:

-I feel like I am constantly reminded that my life is not in my control (I know it isn't, but it doesn't mean I don't act like it is sometimes.) And that this is NOT where I thought I'd be this time last year. I thought we were on our way to having three kids at home. The reminders are small things like pictures of Hallie. Looking in the mirror at the Y as I exercise to get rid of baby weight. Being ANYWHERE and everywhere with two kids and having the feeling that a third is missing BUT no one else knows or notices. None of these things in themselves make me break down and cry. But they happen so many times a day, it's just my new normal. No one else knows how many times a mama thinks about her kids. Even the ones that aren't there.

-Along those same lines - I love talking about Hallie. I don't mind getting asked how I am doing. At all. I appreciate people always thinking of us. But what I find that I love most is - having the opportunity to talk about Hallie. This mostly happens now if I'm out alone (without kids!) and people ask "How many kids to you have?" Of course not every situation is the right one to bring up Hallie, but wow- when I get to, I find it so great. I am sure the other person is squeezing their butt cheeks and wondering why they asked. But I get to talk about Bella and Farrah all the time. I love getting to share Hallie every once in a while. It's like confirming to me that she was here. I see why people get tattoos. It's a conversation piece. I spoke to another baby loss mama and we both agreed we wished we had something on the outside that made other people want to ask you about your child.

-Anxiety. Chris and I have both been going through this, in similar and different ways. I know I should hold my life, my kids lives, my husbands life with open hands to Him. But I can't bare the thought of anything happening to someone I love. I am very anxious when leaving the girls for a night, or even day sometimes. I'm trying to learn how to be ok in the quiet, when they aren't there for a short while, and knowing they are going to be ok. I'm afraid this one is going to take me quite a while.

I started to wrap this post up with all the fun things we've been doing and cute pictures of the girls. Because from just this post, you wouldn't know that we love where we live now, how we went on our first family camping trip, all the awesome things that comes out of our girls' mouths, fun date nights, girls nights, new friends, old friends, etc etc etc... But I won't water down the post. I'll get all that out in another post. But do know we are good. I am incredibly blessed to have such a great husband, Bella, Farrah, parents, in-laws and friends. I am always learning from God through my Hallie. I'm learning in grief and I've never had to do that before. God has not left me hanging. I'm learning to let go of my plans and seek the next step. I'm excited about the future (what ever that is) but also learning that it's understandable to just be sad in strange moments.

Thank you for all your prayers this past YEAR! Love you all.

Moving and Shaking

... and getting ready for summer!

Have they not grown like WEEDS!?!? Oh my goodness. 

We've been busy. Like all of you, I'm sure. I try really hard not to be "busy" and let life go by so fast. But I guess that's just how life is with two little ones. And -- we're moving. So that doesn't make life stress-free. But we are blessed! Our house is selling and we are sad to leave the memories of this house. But excited to start new ones. We so enjoy this front porch - sprinkler time, watching the rain, and Chris and I rocking in the chairs after the girls go down. Actually, we just discovered that last one. Ha! We're like, why haven't we done this more?

Anyways... I am not sure how much I'll be able to keep up on here. I feel pulled in so many directions (pulled by the things I want to do - not outside stressors!) and the blog has become lower on the priorities. It's a mix of that, and not really knowing where to go with it. I don't want to be stressed by what to write, so I end up just not doing it. Truth is... I'd like time to just stand still sometimes. Moving on means I'm further away from my time with Hallie. I don't want to change my blog header. And I don't know how to write about grief because I don't ... know. It's just not a desire of my heart I guess. I do better dealing with it in other ways than writing.

Ok... I don't have a point in this post. I just thought it was time for an update and there ya go.

What we've been up to (besides ALL the aspects of selling a house and finding our next local):

Hanging with friends




Playing in the water, so ready for the pool! We are on a corner in our neighborhood and I'm pretty sure neighbors think we are nuts when they drive by.





"Crafts" as Bella calls them. Up the wazoooo :) My house is FULL of papers. And you better hope Bella never sees any of them in the trash or oh.my.goodness.


This one she drew and said, "Mom, this is God, this is Hallie, and this is the cross. Because Jesus died on the cross and Hallie is with God." Um, are you 4?!?
But you are right sweet girl. I love that Bella talks about Hallie daily. Farrah even has a baby doll named Hallie.



I did my first Sip and Strokes. I'm NO artist, but it was so fun!!!


Playgrounds


And we've spent a lot of time and effort getting back in shape. I have to brag on my hubby, he looks awesome! We've been interested in going gluten free for a bit, and after some reading we jumped on it.  Look at the WheatBellyBlog if you are at all interested. It was hard to adjust right at first, but its not all that bad after all! And we just feel better, it's amazing.


And I love my Zumba class. So much fun!!

Speaking of, we're planning a Zumbathon in Lawrenceville for July 21st for Hope From Hallie. If you are in town, we'd love to have you!! It's 2 hours of dancing and FUN!!! I will post more details here as it gets closer, as well as on FaceBook.

Hmmmm... I think that is it! A little of everything, right? 

He is Risen!

I think that it is really special that Hallie was born around Christmas. I dreaded it during the pregnancy, not knowing where we would be on Christmas and how much despair we may be in. I worried that Christmas would never be the same.

Oh, and it won't be. Totally different than ever before. So much richer. God blessed us with a sweet, sweet, beautiful miracle - an early gift. Christmas was certainly hard (understatement), but it's indescribable the feeling of peace we had. I'm not sure I'll ever understand it myself, much less be able to describe it.

And as wonderful as Christmas is - Easter is where it's really at! Easter has been overshadowed big time! (Who came blame us - the old sweet man bringing presents is much better than the scary rabbit who hides eggs!!) But Easter is what our faith is based on. Without the actual death and resurrection of Jesus, we would have no hope of anything. No hope of seeing Hallie again. But we do have that hope. He is RISEN. And of course, like everything else I experience now - Easter has an even deeper meaning to me this year.

Don't get me wrong - seeing baby shoes at Target and imagining Hallie in them, matching her sisters... my stomach just tightened. It's not NATURAL that my baby isn't alive. It's just not right. I have my hours, days, weeks where I am just in a funk and I KNOW that missing her is the at the core of that. Most days, I still ask myself if this all really happened. It doesn't feel real because I didn't even get to know Hallie fully. It can be a strange feeling, knowing I met her and only had 5 days. 5 days are nothing, but they are everything to me! Those 5 days have forever changed me. But Easter was a time to reflect on hope, newness, wholeness... I focused on that!

Thank you God, for the cross.

We did about 20 Easter Egg hunts in the front yard during the last week. We started early in the week to get excited about the hunts for the weekend. It was a great activity, too! We also made resurrection rolls. Ours didn't come out as pretty! haaaaa! I tried to put 2 marshmallows in them. Stick to the recipe, Katie!!!


Saturday we went to a neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt.


But I have to say, the best part of that morning was "BubbleMan" Have you heard of him?? I had not. He comes with a big cart of all these huge bubble wands and the kids go NUTS!! It was pretty cool!



Our church had a Saturday night service and 3 Sunday services! So in between some on Sunday, we ate Easter lunch/dinner at my aunts home. I think that's been the tradition the past few years. It works well for us since she is down the street! One day, maybe they'll let me bring something other than deviled eggs and canned cranberry sauce (Or maybe not, considering my cooking skills above.)

It was beautiful weather. It's been just a wonderful spring so far! Although the pollen is terrible, I'll take it. I can't complain when we're able to get outside almost any time of day and (sneeze) enjoy it.

Random: You know 2 year olds say best best things. Farrah calls jelly beans "gummy-geens."

Anyways... here are a few cute pics from the day:



My mom, me, my Grandmother

Hair & Swings

A couple of weeks ago, Bella got a "big girl" haircut. I only call it that because it was actually more than a trim this time. And she looks 16 half of the time, I swear!!!! Growing up too fast!



And Farrah (and her hair!) is growing like a weed, too!