Today Hallie would be 3 months old. I honestly don't dread these anniversaries. Maybe because half the time I don't know what the date or day of the week it is! I think next Christmas will be the hardest. But I also can't help but think what she'd be doing right now. The smiles, tummy time, and I really miss that sweet baby smell. There's nothing like a sleepy, full, cuddly baby and how you can just feel like all is right with the world. I really do try to get those sweet moments in Bella and Farrah. Just soak them up. They are both getting so big now. I don't have "babies" anymore - they are turning into little girls for sure!
So I've found that I've been
I miss Hallie. I really really do. I miss not knowing what a family of 5 is like. I think about her so much, there's no way to count. They are not always sad thoughts. Most of them aren't actually. I have sweet reminders of her all time time. It's almost like a song always playing in the background. I am doing well, I'll just always have a piece of my heart missing.
I appreciate having friends who have been through this and they just get it. I know I've said that many times, but as time goes on I appreciate it more. A few women who know all the thoughts, experiences, sorrow and JOY in this journey. Without saying a word they get it. It makes me feel normal and not alone.
Like I said... I'm not sure where to go. I'm just living life as best I can day-to-day trying not to worry about the future. That doesn't always happen. I still fret over the little things. One would think I wouldn't after going through my biggest fear in life! But it does.
If you are still reading this post after that scrambled post... thank you! I'm telling you - I would need to post everyday to get all my thoughts journaled. But I just haven't been taking the time. Hince the scrambled thoughts.
Thank you for being such great friends.