Remembering Today

Chris made this sweet video. Today we remember the light Hallie brought to Christmas. We are doing great and love being with family this time of year! Thanks for remembering our Hallie!

First Annual Hallie Lantern Release - Hallie Lynn Green from Chris Green on Vimeo.

One Year Birthday Anniversary

Yesterday (Dec 19th) was Hallie's one year birthday.

I had NO idea how I would feel. No two people's grief is the same. And no two days of my own grief are the same, really. I didn't plan anything. Because I wasn't sure if I'd want to do anything. If I'd want to be around anyone. How do you plan something like that anyways? I knew I wanted to celebrate her, but I also felt a sadness coming over. With the holidays approaching and feeling like I'm right back to figuring out what Christmas looks like again... last year was just so different. I feel myself getting overwhelmed out shopping because I just miss last year... focusing on just her. 

A few days ago, Bella had her first real emotional time with missing Hallie. I think it's the season, too. Remembering her. And listening to her song in the car this weekend, she just boo-hoo'd. Bella is sensitive, but she's never done this before (about Hallie). She said she just really misses Hallie and thinks about her everyday. We talked about how it was ok to cry, that mommy does sometimes too. It was good. And then in true 5 year old fashion, she was back to normal in 5 minutes. 

So, the morning of Hallie's birthday I was still unsure. Unsure about what to do. It was my intention to keep Bella home from preschool, and for us three to just cuddle all day. Except that would only last the length of a cartoon. I decided I needed a day to myself. Really just to nap and be quiet for a while. The girls confirmed this when they woke up with a sweet spirit of remembering Hallie! They were excited to have muffins on our special birthday plate and Farrah even sung Happy Birthday. Bella requested that we make a special treat that she could take to school to celebrate Hallie's birthday (like everyone does, so it made sense to her!) We made some quick treats and she was kinda speaking and asking rhetorically, "It would be Hallie's first birthday. But she's not here. She's in heaven. That doesn't make sense that she died, she wasn't even 40 lbs yet!" (her weight, haha) 

And that stuck with me. It doesn't make sense. And we are sad. We miss having a third sister. Another daughter. Another granddaughter. But we love her like the other two, and I feel blessed to have had a few days with her. Many more would have been wonderful. 500 other pictures of her would have been great. But NONE of it would have ever been ENOUGH. So I just agree - it doesn't make sense. I don't have all the answers. But we love you, Hallie, and we praise God for you. 

So... after a wonderful mid-day nap, Chris and the girls came home around 2. We then felt confident in our emotions and that it would be nice to be with the family that surrounded us those 5 days. So we all got together and ate dinner. And celebrated just being together. And got excited about new babies coming next year (Christina is due with Aspen any day now, and Ryan and Melissa are expecting in May!) Melissa had a lantern that we lit in honor of Hallie's one year. It was cool and fun - and got stuck in a tree. Dad ran and got a blower, and we were able to retrieve it and let it go again. Lots of laughs and love and hope. Just what we needed. And then Chris and I just soaked in two precious, precious sweet girls passed out in the van on the way home. Love our families. Love our girls so much.

Thanks for your continued prayers! We hope you have a very merry Christmas!!!

Hallelujah - Free Song Download

Good morning!

I know most of you know our story. You were and have been so wonderful in praying for us. Especially this time last year as Hallie was preparing to enter this world.

God has shown us so much love through other people. One example is our friend Casey Darnell. He came to Chris after Hallie passed away letting us know he'd begun writing a song for her (and us). It was beautiful! I knew right away I wanted it played at her memorial service. Chris and Casey got together and had it recorded with some amazing musicians (thanks to donations from a generous person). It is just breathtaking for me. We have been listening to it a lot the last few weeks - it's like a Christmas song to me. Since Hallie represents what I think of as Christmas now. We call it "Hallie's song" and the girls love it, too. Oh my goodness, to hear them sing it with their sweet voices just about kills me. The song is entitled, "Hallelujah."

As December has started, and we near Hallie's first birthday, we would love to share this song with you! Below is a link for a free download. You can download it and listen to it at home or in the car. Share it with others! We hope you enjoy it as much as we have. I just love having anything that has to do with Hallie and reminds me of her life. It confirms to me that she did exist, that this all really did happen. That she matters to us and matters to God.

This is a free, downloadable song. Just enter your email address and zip code and the song will be emailed to you. You also will see a link for an donation on the site. That is completely optional. A large portion of each donation goes directly to Hope From Hallie (HopeFromHallie.com).

Here is the link! Enjoy!!

https://noisetrade.com/caseydarnell

We miss you, Hallie.
We miss you everyday.
We talk about you everyday.
Your Mama thinks about you all the time.
When it's quiet.
When it's loud.
All the time.

Bella loved holding you. She tells me often.
She thinks you are so special.
Farrah is a great big sister.
She would have taken such good care of you!
What we would give for more time with you.
To have seen you do all the baby milestones your sisters did and will do.
5 days is so short.

I look at your picture and I go right back to the moments.
Of holding you. Hearing you breathe. Of feeding you.
But it feels so far away sometimes.
Like it was all a dream.
Looking at pictures helps me remember.

We love you.
Always will.
I am thankful for your dad and sisters. For family. For friends.
To keep us together.
To keep us going.
And we are thankful for the memories we have.
We rejoice daily that we will one day see you again.

Hi friends who are still around reading :) I've wanted to sit down and blog for a while, and have attempted to do so a few times. But I've either been too busy to think about what to write, or I don't know where to start. Between the day-to-day activities around here and the activity in my head - it all seems too overwhelming to write a simple blog post on. The truth is, I don't know where to go from here. On my blog or kinda just in general. I mean - I know I'm going to be OK - but I'm still recovering emotionally. I put so much thought, energy, prayer and EVERYTHING into preparing for Hallie and all that came with it. Now what?

Today Hallie would be 3 months old. I honestly don't dread these anniversaries. Maybe because half the time I don't know what the date or day of the week it is! I think next Christmas will be the hardest. But I also can't help but think what she'd be doing right now. The smiles, tummy time, and I really miss that sweet baby smell. There's nothing like a sleepy, full, cuddly baby and how you can just feel like all is right with the world. I really do try to get those sweet moments in Bella and Farrah. Just soak them up. They are both getting so big now. I don't have "babies" anymore - they are turning into little girls for sure!

So I've found that I've been obsessing focused on different things to keep me busy. I like to be busy, by nature. But I've always been a disorganized busy. I start 100 projects at the same time to MAYBE finish one. But right now I'm all over it! If you need me to come organize your closet - call me. Just kidding. But really - I repainted all the trim in our house. I organized everything - closets, pantries, crafts - everything! Now I'm putting all that energy into losing this baby weight (can I just say it's not fair to have baby weight. I won't go on and on about that). I don't think I'm necessarily avoiding thinking about Hallie - that is IMPOSSIBLE. I think I'm just more focused. Or maybe trying to control things that I feel like I can control. I don't know. But I'm going with it.

I miss Hallie. I really really do. I miss not knowing what a family of 5 is like. I think about her so much, there's no way to count. They are not always sad thoughts. Most of them aren't actually. I have sweet reminders of her all time time. It's almost like a song always playing in the background. I am doing well, I'll just always have a piece of my heart missing.

I appreciate having friends who have been through this and they just get it. I know I've said that many times, but as time goes on I appreciate it more.  A few women who know all the thoughts, experiences, sorrow and JOY in this journey. Without saying a word they get it. It makes me feel normal and not alone.

Like I said... I'm not sure where to go. I'm just living life as best I can day-to-day trying not to worry about the future. That doesn't always happen. I still fret over the little things. One would think I wouldn't after going through my biggest fear in life! But it does.

If you are still reading this post after that scrambled post... thank you! I'm telling you - I would need to post everyday to get all my thoughts journaled. But I just haven't been taking the time. Hince the scrambled thoughts.

Thank you for being such great friends.

The 24th - another anniversary

It's been 2 months since Hallie went to be with the Lord.
We miss her!! But I love that she feels like a part of my family - even if she's not presently with us. It's strange that I basically know everything there was to know about Hallie. But I'll never know more - of what she would have been, her little quirks, what she'd look like, what she'd grow to love. Oh how I long to see her again one day! But I just love her and I smile when I think about her. I don't always cry (although that happens, too) but thoughts of her are always under the surface. It's just a strange thing - losing a child. And strange that I had to prepare for that. I am just not a good communicator at what I am feeling and how do you even put words to something like this? But I do have comfort in knowing others just "get it" even though I wish none of us had to.

Today is the 24th. And we miss Hallie. And we continue to be thankful to ALL of you who have helped us. And continue to think about us.

Guess what? We're official! Thank you all SOOOOO much! I'm going to be able to bless so many through you all!!


Guess what else? We are surprising the girls and driving to Disney! They have no idea! We are so blessed to have friends who have a home there and are letting us stay. And... I'll get to turn 32 while in the happiest place on earth :)

Guess WHAT else? The reason I've been slow to blog is I've been working HARD at getting our house ready to put on the market. This was our plan this time last year. But we didn't want a big change while waiting on Hallie. So we put it on hold, and I'm so glad we did. But now... we are ready. Sort of! I've always thought of this place as just a "house" ... but now it's our "home!" Where I brought all three of my girls home. But we know this is what we are suppose to do, so we are going for it!



I'm going to miss this PINK room!!!

This is such a bright room... I wish it was always this clean and I loved being in there... ha!

Same with this room... isn't it funny how we get the house all perfect for selling it and just the way we like it? Then we move?
 
I promise... this is the cleanest it's ever been! Not that I'm complaining, I love it! But maybe I should take some shots to show you what it normally looks like... but if you're human, and you're a mom, you know and understand!

So... that is what we have and will be up to. Now that the house is listed... and I've spent HOURS touching up paint at naptime and bedtime (which is an awesome way to think - you aren't distracted and can just think uninterrupted!) I'm getting geared up to start some Hope From Hallie stuff. I have some ideas but I don't want to rush it. I want to make sure it's just right. But, you will get the details as soon as I figure them out.

Thank you so much for reading!! Thanks for loving us and our Hallie!

2 months

Sweet Hallie would have been 2 months old today! Instead of focusing on the things I'm going to miss out on, like taking her picture each month with the pink bear, I like to think about it as "it's been two months since I met my precious third daughter!" I am glad I don't dread each 19th of the month. I know a part of that is just being thankful that I was able to meet her. Each of those 5 days were a gift that I never knew I would get. It will never be enough, but they were precious, sacred days that I'm glad I had.

I have no idea how to communicate how much I have learned and continue to learn through our pregnancy and loss of Hallie. I feel like I'll never really FULLY be able to do so. I just know in my own heart, this whole journey has changed me. I mean, of course it did. It is a huge loss. I will forever walk around on this earth feeling like a part of my heart is missing. Forever. One day I'll be reunited with Hallie. Until then... I just have those 5 days to hold on to.

It still all feels surreal, like an out of body experience in many ways. It's little things that can sometimes trigger sadness - like seeing pictures of women in the hospital with their newborns. Because that was most of my reality with Hallie - in a hospital bed, just holding her. When I see those pictures, it takes me right back to those moments. Or having moments of regret (which, I don't have anything to regret - but Satan can make you guess every decision you made and make you wonder it you did all the right things!) It's a vain attempt to try put a reason on why things happened or try to think that I had any control over Hallie's diagnosis or time with us in the first place.

2 months ago Hallie was born! I miss her like the DICKENS. I sometimes wonder what our life would be like right now with two crazy girls wrestling in one room while I'm feeding a newborn. Or getting some good smiles out of a sweet smelling baby. But I continue to feel and choose to feel lucky and blessed. Blessed that I got to spend five days with her. Blessed that I was able to share her story. And blessed that she matters to God and I was the mother of an angel. It doesn't always take the hurt away, but there is peace most of the time and for that I am thankful!

Hope From Hallie is coming along!!! As of this week, we are now filed as a Non-Profit Corporation, thanks to an awesome friend!! I have some great ideas for it... but trying to figure out the best way to honor families and help them have memories of their babies forever. More to come, but thank you for your generous donations. It has meant so much and I'm so excited to get to help others in similar situations!! I can't wait to officially decide on what my game plan is and to share it with you!!!

"Hallelujah" (the song Casey Darnell and Chris wrote) was recorded and it sounds AWESOME!!! How special. I am getting to the point where I can listen without crying now :) It's such a sweet song. I can't wait to share it with you.

These days

This month I've had so much help. Thank you for the meals, the house cleaning, and for Bella and Farrah's wonderful teachers that provide such a cool environment for them. The girls have been going to "school" almost the whole month. (Minus some sick days last week). I was hesitant about this at first, because what was I going to do by myself all month??!? My girls are my "job!" And I love my job. But Chris & friends kept reminding me to take time to physically heal and just take advantage of the time alone while I have it. I guess a month in the scheme of things isn't that long. Even though I have missed them! But I've enjoyed doing some house projects, a few lunches, starting a new women's study and napping. :)

What I didn't do until this week was start to get my head back in the game. I'm still kinda floating at times it seems. Not so much sad, just floating. So I appreciate not having to do as much of my "job" lately - I haven't cooked, deep cleaned much, etc. It's amazing with all of that being done for me- that I can still feel "busy." My body isn't always moving, but my mind is always racing.

I'm doing well, though. I want you to know that. I think I'll always have a part of my heart missing. There are times when I go through short times of anger or longer times of sadness. It will come out of nowhere, of course, just like you hear grief does. For example, I passed by my beta fish "Goldielocks" last week and found myself angry. Angry that this stupid fish has been around way longer than beta fish are suppose to be around. Why that fish is living and why my daughter isn't doesn't make since to me. It's not fair. But life isn't fair. But God is bigger than the fish and bigger than Hallie and bigger than me. And I think that the fact that I can say that and have faith that our God is BIG is what protects my heart in so many ways.

Honestly, like I've mentioned many times before - I have always been afraid of losing a child or a loved one and wondering how I'd ever survive!! I didn't think I could. (Like, this was a fear that would keep me up some nights.) Fear like this is not from God, by the way. So the fact that I've actually survived and doing alright is even astonishing to me sometimes. Because I never had faith that I could make it, much less that God would carry me through it. I can't believe I am ok. But the fact is, I survived. And so I know in my own heart that I didn't get through this alone. Because I know left to my own devices, I could not have. I feel like God is so much more real to me after going through this. God not only got me through it, but blessed me so much in the process. (Weird to say I feel blessed, I know! But it's how I feel and I'm so glad I am able to say that.)

I also pleaded with and told God early on in finding out about Hallie having Trisomy 13 (at 14 weeks) that I "could handle a miscarriage right now, but please don't take me all the way to the end of this pregnancy only to loose a baby!!" Of course that changed around about 18 weeks maybe... when I could feel life moving around in me. Then it became, "Oh God, please let me make it to the end of this pregnancy and let me meet her!!" And although I am extremely thankful that I was able to meet Hallie and hold her, I also have to remind myself that He still would be good if I hadn't gotten to. That kinda rocks my world when I think about it. There are plenty of women who don't get time with their babies. Or there are women who get many more days with their babies than I got. When you lose a baby, no time is ever really enough.

There just IS a peace that surpasses all understanding. I intimately know that to be true now.

Please keep Kara and Jonathan in your prayers this weekend as they get ready to welcome baby Dalton into the world on Monday!! I am excited for her to meet her first born; her sweet baby boy.

Sisters

Many people ask me how Farrah and Bella are doing (since Hallie). Thank you for asking! I thought I'd write and tell you that they are doing well. And, this gives me a chance to post a couple of pictures of them with Hallie.

Bella is doing great. The morning after Hallie died (and can I say that that word is hard to say... but "passed" doesn't feel right either... I don't know when I'll get used to saying either of those words)... anyway... the next morning, Bella came bouncing in our room as usual and looked in the bed between Chris and I for Hallie. She asked, "Where is Hallie?" Once I told her that Hallie had died, she said, "Already?" (She knew from previous talks that this would happen.) Chris said, "Yes baby, but she's with God." and almost before he could finish that statement, Bella says "I know!" sweetly but also matter-of-fact and bounced right back out of the room. She's since asked a few questions, but overall her heart has been protected from much of it. She knows it's ok to see us sad and she feels comfortable asking questions. But mainly, Bella and Farrah are just great medicine for her parents!

Bella was so sweet with Hallie. She's always been a "little mommy." She asked to hold her and feed her so often. I wish she could have done it more, really. But she was always around. She watched with curiosity as Chris and I listened with a stethoscope to make sure her feeding tube was in her tummy. Then we'd fill up the bottle and hold it up, or let Bella hold it, to let Hallie be fed through the tube. Chris even brought home the girls their own yellow stethoscopes.

This picture is the morning of the 23rd. The only "morning" we had at home with Hallie. It was a pretty calm morning compared to the night before. Almost like a normal morning here in the house, except with a precious addition to the family. Bella was holding Hallie with my mom beside her. I asked her if she wanted to sing to her. She sang "Jesus loves me" in the sweetest, softest voice. (a different version of the song that has "hallelujah" in it...perfect.)




Farrah knows Hallie's picture and I encourage her to say her name as much as possible. I don't think she'll remember Hallie really, but I do want her to know her name and be comfortable asking questions when she is ready.

When we arrived home from the hospital Thursday night, it was a little crazy at the house. Well, maybe not, but it felt like it. We drove home at rush hour in a torrential downpour AND through Christmas mall traffic. At the first cry that Hallie let out... I was holding her. Yes, I held her all the way home. There was no way I was going to let her be in distress and not able to breathe good ... and I couldn't sufficiently comfort her with my c-section by leaning over the carseat. She was so small in there I couldn't get to her. So I held her. And it was great. (I told you she was held her entire life!!) :) Not to worry, traffic was literally NOT MOVING. It was pouring out and Chris and I rode almost in silence the whole way home. It was VERY hard to leave the hospital with the nurses that had become like family. To hug all of their necks as each of their shifts ended. To be putting Hallie in a carseat knowing it would probably be the only time I would get to do so. It was such a whirlwind of a day/night (or really, 5 days!) But we didn't know what the future held - we were still in awe that we were getting to bring her home! It is what I ultimately really wanted and I was thankful for that, even though I was really sad, too. Crazy how I could feel such big and different emotions simultaneously!

When we arrived home, we surprised the girls who were with GG. They didn't know we were coming home yet (or that Santa was going to be coming that night, either!) We quickly had to jump in and learn how to use our oxygen machine from the hospice equipment guy that was there. Then it was time for another feeding.

During a quiet moment after that, Farrah walked up and gave Hallie a little doll. Such a quick but sweet moment.


... there will always be a sister missing. We love you and miss you, Hallie!

Hallie's Memorial Video

Here is Hallie's memorial from January 7th - for those of you who could not attend and for those of you who want to hear the awesome music from our friends again.

So many emotions come in seeing this for me -- the service was just so nice and was such a good healing thing. I love ALL of the music and I will treasure the video at the beginning forever. But it also makes me miss Hallie - seeing her move around and in my arms. It was so real when she was here and it feels so weird to be moving on - day by day, week by week without her.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of those who helped make this service so excellent for us. It means so much.

Memorial Service Thank You

Thank you all who came to celebrate Hallie's life with us Saturday! And also thank you to those who couldn't be with us but have been praying for us.

The service was just beautiful. I cannot believe the amount of people who helped make it happen. Chris' friends/co-workers, volunteers, friends... it was so amazing. We felt so loved. Thank you for even making the stage look pink & girly. We will never forget that day. So many friends around. It was healing for both of us. I wish I could have hugged all of your necks!! I got a good bit of hugs in, but I know I missed a bunch of you, too :) The FIRST thing Chris and I did when we got home was go through the guest books and read all of your messages. It just felt good to be so loved on, in so many ways.

I had planned on writing more tonight, but I was distracted and now my brain won't turn back on :) We are doing well and adjusting to our new "normal" ... and I'm trying to wrap my brain around what all Hope From Hallie can do! I do have things I'd love to blog about, so check back soon. We'll also have a video of the service up in a day or two. 

I'll leave you with a picture of my sweet baby! I cherish every picture & video I have!!

Santa Comes to Town

(Chris writing)

Many of you now know about the amazing Santa that visited us from Bass Pro Shop to bring Christmas cheer to our family (if not, scroll down the page). Luckily, I had the presence of mind to capture most of the visit. I put a video together, so we can remember it forever.

Enjoy.

Hallie's memorial service & thank you!!

Hi friends!

We will be having a memorial service on Saturday, January 7, at 10:00am Buckhead Church in the main auditorium. The church is not GPS/mapquest friendly.. so go here for directions: http://www.buckheadchurch.org/directions


Or...you can type "1 Buckhead Loop, Atlanta, GA 30326" into your GPS, and you'll find us.

We love you guys and invite you to join us as we celebrate Hallie's sweet little life.

In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the charity of your choice, or to Hope from Hallie (see below).

A couple of my friends Rachael and Kelly and Emily set up a Hope for Hallie fund on their blogs when Hallie was first born. They so thoughtfully set it up to help us get a few things to memorialize and remember her by. They also set up Hope for Hallie page on Facebook and you will never know how much that meant to us to see you all posting messages and pictures on there. Some nights, I just go through these posts to see how much you cared for us and Hallie. Little did they expect, because of your generosity, they were going to be given so much in donations. Saying "thank you" to you all seems inadequate.

As I've mentioned, one HUGE encouragement to me through this journey has been other Trisomy and infant loss mothers. They just understand and make me feel normal. What I would love to do is help other families like we were helped. So Hope for Hallie is being turned into Hope from Hallie!! So, thank you all for already helping me carry on Hallie's legacy. I think this is going to be a great way for me to "pay it forward" to other moms, and help me heal at the same time.

My words are not coming out great right now. I miss my sweet girl and it feels weird that she has already been gone longer than she was here with us. I feel like her scent is fading in her baby blanket. But yet I still have a crick in my neck to remind me of her - from basically sitting in the same position for 5 days staring at her. Bittersweet. :) I do look forward to celebrating the impact she had on us at her memorial AND carrying on her memory with Hope from Hallie.

Doing ok

Hi friends,

We are doing well here. I think the healing process is going be like a roller coaster, much like the pregnancy was, but also different. We have mostly been resting and hanging with out the girls - the best medicine in the world. I am functioning much like normal, except still healing from the c-section. I find I ask myself a lot, "Why am I ok?? I just lost my sweet baby. I should not be ok!!" While pregnant, I imagined myself not leaving the house for at least a month. To not really want to talk to anyone for a while. Goes to show that you can't plan grief. I guess it will come in waves and hit me when I'm least expecting it?

But then I also remember that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18. He was not surprised by the number of days Hallie lived. He gave us 4 days, 13 hours and 45 minutes to hold her and soak her in. He was faithful in giving us time we so badly wanted. Why should I be surprised that He hasn't left me now?

The thing I want you to know is that I want to talk about Hallie. I always will. I find myself going through pictures over and over, so that I don't forget a thing about her. She had perfect soft skin and baby smell, a perfect round head, little fuzzy hair like Farrah did as an infant, a cow-lick like Chris, made those cute baby sounds, squeaks and cries, loved for me to rub her head. I sang to her and spoke to her. We realized a couple of days into her being here that she may not have been able to hear. But she knew me, there is no doubt. She calmed down to my touch. She knew her mama.

Right now, the only thing I fear is forgetting all the little things about her. It all happened so fast and with pain medicine from the c-section, and little-to-no sleep, it all feels like a blur in some ways. Like a dream. So, please, do not be afraid to talk about Hallie to Chris or I. She will always be that missing part of our family, and when I talk about her, it helps me remember.

Hallie Lynn Green - my beautiful daughter

Thank you so much for praying for us, loving us, feeding us and overwhelming us with support.

We want to let you know that Hallie went to be with Jesus this morning at 12:30am. She was peaceful and in my arms just as I had wanted. Our family was here and we are thankful for so many circumstances like that one that made this journey as good as it could be. We are heartbroken but so thankful for Hallie and every second we got with her. She knew nothing but love!!

Chris, the girls and I will be laying low for the next few days ahead as we rest, remember Hallie together and celebrate Christmas with changed hearts.

Thank you, God, for allowing me to be Hallie's mother. Although losing you, Hallie, is the hardest thing I've ever done, I would carry you and love you all over again in a heartbeat. I feel like the luckiest mom in the world. I love you.

Update!

Hi!  This is Chelsie, Katie's sister, here to update the blog.  It's kind of a lot of pressure!  Sorry for those who have been tirelessly refreshing the blog page for updates- thankful we have the Hope for Hallie facebook page!

As most of you may know, Hallie Lynn Green is here!!  She was born this morning at 10:45am, 4 lbs, 15oz and 18.75 inches long. This makes her exactly 25 months younger than her big sister Farrah Kate!  The nurses at the hospital saved the room next to Katie and Chris's for the entire family to hang out and wait.  We didn't have to wait long before we got a picture text from Chris and a nurse came by with some sweet pictures of the new Hallie!  Chris came and got Bella and Farrah and the new Green family had some private time as a new family of 5.  Christy Martin who is with "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep", so graciously came by to snap pictures of the occasion, so Chris could step out from behind the camera.  Once the 'Little Green Family' had their private time, the rest of us got to come in and see her.

We knew she would have a cleft palate and lip.  We then learned her heartbeat, vitals and breathing looked pretty good.  Hallie still has a very long road ahead of her but we are all excited and prayerful.  The outpowering of support and prayers has been overwhelming- for Chris and Katie but also for the rest of us.  We are all just trying to soak in time with her and each other.  Thank you from all of us and we will continue to try to keep people updated.

Katie and Chris- you guys amaze me with each and every step.  I know there is a lot you have to learn and a lot you don't quite understand, but you're doing it together and faithfully.  I love you.

Pregnancy Update - 38 weeks

Baby is the size of: At the ultrasound today... she's measuring 4 1/2 lbs. We know this can be off a bit, but it's about what we are expecting.

Symptoms: I've been having some contractions every once in a while this week. They are small, but I can feel them. This made me get on the ball and start at least getting things organized to pack - just in case she decides to come early! We had a "stress test" to monitor heart rate/contractions today and I could see & feel some small contractions.
Oh, and my big toe was asleep for a week. Strange!! Dr said it goes along with the feet swelling.

Maternity clothes? oh yeah.

Sleep: Sleeping ok. I wake up on my back a lot and it doesn't feel great to have all the pressure sitting on me. But the process of turning on my side is not fun, either.

Fun moment(s) this past week: Hmmmm... a few things. We moved Farrah to a big girl bed. I kinda can't believe we did it this close to Hallie coming, but we did the same with Bella before Farrah was born. And it's surprisingly gone really well. All of her naps and nights have gone great except one, and it wasn't too bad. I think she loves being in a bed like her sister!!! My parents made both beds. Here is Bella's. And here is a phone pic of Farrah's:

Those pictures just made me realize we need to go back to pink in their room!! Chris... we have anything going on this week? :)

Tonight I had dinner with 4 other Trisomy mom's and it was just wonderful! It it just so great to meet other women who just "get it" and to see how each of their babies have affected those around them. They are just all wonderful women, all in different stages, and wow! Each of their stories are touching and a light for others!

Movement: Um, still a lot. In fact, we learned at the ultrasound today that she is BREECH again! So we will wait and see how she is positioned this Friday at my last OB appt, and can have her turned (ow!) Monday before being induced, too. I am hoping she turns on her own. She has plenty of fluid and is small so either way should be fine.

Gender & Name: Hallie Lynn (Lynn is Chris' mom, my sister and my aunts middle name!) About time we decided, huh? :) We think it goes well with Bella Reese and Farrah Kate.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting Hallie!! I seriously cannot believe I only have a week left. I am sort of a crazy wreck in some ways, but calm in others. I've been nesting like crazy today. I even cleaned out the car. What?!?

Reflections on the past week: Wow, I've been all over the place. But I've mostly been ok. I had some contractions early Sunday morning around 5am and my mind was spinning... "should I be up packing right now because I have nothing packed?!?!" Then I fell asleep and they stopped. I've been feeling big and over being pregnant. I've been sad, anxious and nervous. I have had such a good time with my kids - they are a true joy and make me so thankful. Chris and I have had lots of talks this week, as this is becoming more real to him, too. So this last week has been more of the same - a roller coaster, but maybe with a few more hills. I expect this is how the next several months will be. But I truly feel ready to meet my little angel.

Prayer requests: Wow. I just don't know where to start. So far, all of our prayers have been answered. Thank you so much. Just look at this prayer we asked you to pray for us back in June:

God, give us more hours of joy than pain. Allow us to turn the corner of sorrow, to celebration. Cause us to see her as a gift. And allow us to cherish every moment she’s with us. Change our hearts.


I mean, I never would have guessed that our prayers would be so overly answered by God. But He knew. We are so so thankful that He is a God of compassion and love. He's bigger than all of this. I still don't know that I'll ever understand, but I don't feel alone in my sadness. And when the harder times that are still to come get here... I'm confident He'll get us through it. Thank you for praying for these last 6 months!!


One thing I have not yet mentioned, we do have a wonderful photographer Christy Martin, who is also with the organization "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" We are so thankful to know Christy and to know that this resource is out there for parents like us! If you are a parent that goes through something like this, NILMDTS is wonderful!! Thank you, Christy!!


Again, thank you all for the prayers, thoughts, messages, cards, meals, watching our kiddos... we are forever grateful. We will keep you updated this week! 

Belly Pics

I haven't been great at getting belly pictures this time around. It seemed like such a big task to do every week like we did with Bella, although I love that we did those! And I didn't do them with Farrah, but we did monthly pictures of her with the teddy bear in the chair and I love those too!!

And with maternity shots... we had some done with Bella. Angela Morris did an awesome job. I don't think we had any official maternity photos done with Farrah?

Chris had his photography gear out Tuesday and took some photos of me & Hallie after I returned home from a Christmas party. (Usually I'm in PJ's by 4pm!) We were even able to capture the B&W photo, similar to the one we had with Bella. I'm glad we took some!

Pregnancy Update - 37 weeks (Full Term!)

We are here - Full Term - wow.


Baby is the size of: She's probably still under 5 lbs, but she doesn't feel like it! :) 

Symptoms: Feet and hands are a bit swollen. Not as bad since it's not really hot out, but when I finally get around to shaving my legs (ha!) I can tell my feet are swollen. And I haven't been wearing my rings for a few weeks because I was scared they'd get stuck.

Maternity clothes? Kristy had given me a couple of boxes a while back, and I never went through one of them. I remembered and it was like Christmas morning! A couple more shirts to add to the wardrobe for a few weeks. :) 

Sleep: Sleeping well. 

Fun moment(s) this past week: The girls spent the night at GG's this weekend and Chris and I celebrated/relaxed for his b'day. At Spa Sydell, I got a facial (thanks again, friends!!) while I got Chris a  massage for his birthday. We then Christmas shopped a bit and then hung out with friends in Athens to watch the game. UGA was doing so well... I literally laid in a recliner the whole game (even snoozed in the 4Q). We were probably lame guests, but it was so nice to just sit and relax! :)

Movement: Still lots. Her feet are on my right side and I feel her heels quite often. She must be using my bladder as a punching bag. I'll take it!

Food cravings: Anything I don't have to fix. haha! I'm tired of my own cooking. In a rut still with meals. 

Gender & Name: Hallie. I'd like to decide on a middle name this week so we can monogram stuff. 

What I am looking forward to: Hmmmm... not sure. I am honestly ready for Dec 19 to get here (as ready as I'll ever be). But not ready for her to come early, so stay put, sweet Hallie! I am ready for the torturous waiting to be over. I don't necessarily want to rush through the next two weeks, but yeah... I'm ready. 

Reflections on the past week: This is always the last category I fill out. Because where do I even start? The last 2 days have been good. Tonight, our most recent small group came over to love on us - brought meals and prayed over us. We felt so loved! I love my church and small groups. Our small group (before the last) is also just awesome. I love that we have so many friends through these groups.

I am so thankful for all of the prayers from everyone - just the nice thoughts, emails, hugs. I've said it before, but it's overwhelming; in a good way! I am just amazed at the generosity of friends, co-workers, family, etc - past and present. Thank you!! I am sorry if I am (really) slow to respond to emails. I promise I read them all, and I'm keeping all my cards. 

Last week as a whole - I was honestly just blah - sad, anxious. Thankfully just at night and I've (mostly) been able to hold it together during the day and let it out at night :) I cried for the first time through my doctor's appointment. I was trying so hard to hold it together, but couldn't. It's not something I really shared with anyone, because I actually have forgotten until now. It is just happening more now. I'm trying to remind myself that it's OK. I'm just not a public crier! But there is nowhere for the emotion to go but out now! We are two weeks away from meeting our daughter. Emotions are high and I'm wearing them on my sleeve.

I know yall think I'm strong, but I'm not. Promise you that. I think when you go through something like this, you realize you still have to function. You are still needed by others. And in all the sadness & sorrow, you realize you need more than to rely on yourself. There is nothing that can make this all better; no one who can fix this in the way we'd like to here in this world. 

But I know a few things. 

1) Christ's strength is made perfect in my weakness.

2) Hallie is perfect, made perfectly in His image. I'm proud of her. I love her.

3) If we get 5 minutes or 50 years with Hallie, God will still get the glory for her life. 

4) I won't regret a minute of this. Ever.

I hope yall know I share all of this to hopefully help people going through similar things, and just as a witness to God's goodness in the midst of suffering. I don't share everything (mostly because it's hard and you'd probably worry about my sanity), but I also love sharing as much as I can about Hallie and how her life has affected me. She has changed us! 

Prayer requests:

Little "Quinn-Bean" passed away Friday. Continue to pray for Meghan and Steve. This is my fourth friend with whom I've walked this path (whether online or in person), and the fourth little angel that passed. It is so sad, but yet they each have been such a light to me... knowing they were thankful for moments they got with their little girls, or just knowing God was with them when they chose to carry these precious gifts. Meghan and Steve were given 5 days with Quinn, and she said they are so thankful. Is that not a God thing? You know, that we can be so torn up inside going through this, then truly thankful for the moments we are given. I am thankful for Meghan, Miranda, Kalee, Devany and Kara, and watching each of them. 

And thanks for praying for us. We pray Hallie stays put for the Dec 19 date, because that's what I am ready for in my head- not earlier. Because you know I won't pack before Dec 17-18. ha. And we pray for our families, as we know they are double-affected by Hallie -- worried about her and worried about us.

Here is the video from church where we were able to share a bit about our story. 

http://buckheadchurch.org/messages/story-of-us

Pregnancy Update - 36 weeks (9 months!)

Baby is the size of: Had an ultrasound today! Hallie is measuring around 32 weeks - about 4 lbs 5 oz. So she hasn't gained much (7 oz) in two weeks... but she is still growing.

Symptoms: Carrying a bowling ball around. Bending with it, carrying kids with it, and trying to sleep with it is quite funny and uncomfortable. :)

Maternity clothes? Can't I just wear PJs the rest of this pregnancy??

Sleep: Same. Love it, should go to bed earlier but that's the story of my life, and I sleep well once I'm asleep.

Fun moment(s) this past week: Thanksgiving was relaxed and fun. We were able to enjoy both sides of our awesome families. Thanksgiving made me think of my Grandmom and how I miss ol' Wewahitchka Thanksgiving days... but I made her fruit salad and it was so yummy.

Movement: She's still moving a good bit. Likes to work on her stretches. She's head down, feet kicking me in the right side (we feel heels often), and a little bum under my ribs. 

Food cravings: No huge cravings. Bella and I killed some fruit salad over thanksgiving, though.

Gender & Name: Hallie

Belly Button in or out? I think it's officially out. 

What I am looking forward to: Chris' birthday is this weekend. We don't have set plans yet, but I look forward to hanging with him. Probably includes watching the UGA game somewhere. (Have I mentioned that we don't have cable since we moved back in March?!? It has been great until football season!!)

I'm also meeting the OB Friday that will deliver me on the 19th. I'll get 2 appts in with her before the 19th, so that is good.

Reflections on the past week: This roller coaster is getting longer and more bumpy. I am thankful for the good days/hours, for family, for my fun girls, my husband, and for the enormous help and prayers from friends. Your encouragement (coming in various forms) does not go unnoticed and helps me so much. 

I have so many thoughts I would love to write. Maybe I will get to it one day. I had a few hard days this past week. Then Saturday night I read a couple more chapters in "I Will Carry You" and I feel like she is writing exactly how I feel. It was encouraging and a reminder that God is with me. And that although I would change this outcome in a milisecond and I plead with God to heal our daughter or give us time with her, God will still be glorified in all of this. Through Hallie.

I was also honored to share my story with our church (via a video - no public speaking for this girl!!) this past week. It was hard to talk and tell Hallie's story, and kinda funny to see my face up on a screen, but it was also freeing to talk about. If it goes up online, I'll post a link. :)

Prayer requests: 
First, you can pray for Meghan and Steve. They had their daughter Quinn today (also having Trisomy 13) and she made it through labor like a champ. She's in the NICU now and I pray they get so much time with her!!

Just prayers. I'm trying not to panic and let fear and anxiety of the unknown take over. I can feel it, almost rushing up my throat in the most random times. It is really hard not to focus on the future, and I know that I do better if I just focus on the here and now. One day at a time. But there is also so much to prepare for. Chris and I are going to try and be as "ready as we can" by the end of the week - nesting, cleaning, making packing lists, etc.

Now off to sleep....