Baby is the size of: 13.5 in rutabaga. What??
Symptoms: getting a bit uncomfortable.
Maternity clothes? yep.
Sleep: sleeping pretty well! Grateful for that.
Fun moment(s) this past week: Celebrating Rachael's baby and then Kelly & Bobby's baby boy. Both coming VERY soon!!
Movement: She moves a lot these days. Chris gets to feel a good bit of her kicks, too.
Food cravings: none in particular.
Gender & Name: Hallie
Weight gained: ?
What I am looking forward to: Fall & fall weather. And the girls' birthdays will be here soon, too!
Reflections on the past week: auuuuuuuuuggggg. Overall, fine. But a few teary times this week. Something about realizing this week that I'm "25" weeks" and have less than more weeks left has kinda hit me.We had a talk about things parents shouldn't have to talk about - decisions that need to be made now and not when Hallie is born. I was able to (somehow) research and talk about this stuff with Chris objectively. It of course is heavy stuff, but I was able to think about it because we NEED to, not because I wanted to. Then the little things are what can bring me to tears.
Like Saturday, we were loading the kids up to go run errands and my maternity jeans had to be pulled up for the 500th time already that morning (they drive me nuts!) and I got in the car and just cried. Because I have to wear maternity pants, act like a normal pregnant woman, and may not get the same results as a normal pregnant woman. It's not fair. I sometimes mourn that my body is going through all the usual motions of being pregnant, and it's just a reminder to me of what I am going through. What is to come. As much as I try to just think about all the good things and how I know it will all be worth it, it's just hard sometimes. And although I would never change my decision to carry to term this precious girl, the situation just sucks. But I knew it would. I knew it wouldn't be easy. But it's not the little things that make me upset, it's just a compilation of all these little things.
I try to not worry about the future, because there is nothing I can do to change it. I know God has me in his hands. But that doesn't always keep me for actually worrying and just being scared and sad.
I've also noticed how worship music affects me. We have a CD in the car of all the music played in Waumba land. (Yes, preschool music.) But it's not typical kid music. It's many of our musicians from church and they are just good. They of course are positive and "happy" songs. But also really catchy and my girls LOVE it. They have motions to every song. And I can sing right along with them, and I can claim every word they say. It's sounds cheesy, but I like it.
Then, at church - our music is soooo wonderful. And I don't say that just because Chris works there. I mean, yall know if you go there... it's just good. But man, lyrics can just cut to the heart when you are going through stuff, you know? Sometimes I cry, other times I feel like I could have a really good cry, but hold the tears back harder so that people won't look at me. Either way, I could cry every time. Nothing wrong with it of course. But I don't want stares or people worrying about me, etc. I guess I should get over that.
Wow... that was some rambling.
Thank again for all the prayers, sweet notes, books, even gifts and more prayers. They mean so much. I'm reading one that was given to me called "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith and it is great.